"I'm too Old for that love."

This quote is one of my most prominent memories of my nanna. Her huffing and puffing and telling me she was too old to do anything fun when I was a kid.

I should give you some perspective here though. She was very young for a grandmother. Like in her forties when I was in primary, 50’s in high school and so on. Mum was only 17 when she had me and married Jack when he was only 20. Nana was young when she had him so if you do the math, she was young no matter where those dates fall. Either way she was younger than me now. 

When mum finally bundled my sister and I up and we fled the family home I'm pretty sure she was in her late 40’s. Beyond this my only memory of her if I had to visit was her sitting at the kitchen table with the TV blaring, chain smoking and pretty much just waiting to die.

Sounds harsh but Jesus what a waste of a life. 

So I implore you, don't be Nanna. 

Be a rockstar, goddess, adventurer, sexy mama, loving wife, gorgeous friend, good time gal. Be you, be shiny, be bold. Be you. Don't waste a minute, don't waste a day.

She only went to Brisbane once or twice when I was very young and complained that she would rather be home. Her daughter dragged her to Fiji once and apparently she was a royal pain in the arse there, complaining about the heat, the food, the everything.

Clearly the woman was emotionally stunted. She met her husband at 13, left school to care for ailing relatives, married him at about 18 or 19 and immediately fell into a carers role for his tyrant aunt soon after. Fair to say it wasn't a romantic start to a marriage or ever. She really didn't seem to understand the concept of romance or sexual connection, joy even. She certainly didn't make the most of her time on Earth. I don't mean to sound judgey i just think its sad. Her behaviour was clearly the best she could manage with her experience and self awareness. Not entirely her fault her lack of education, lack of love as a child and the era she lived in.

She was a hard woman, completely and utterly devoted to her son her whole life regardless of his behaviour and at the cost of any other relationship in her life.

I thought I loved her when I was young, but it was hard as I aged because of her uncompromising love and adoration of her son. The man I thought was my dad till I was totally rejected by him and his family after mum left. As vile as his behaviour got she was ALWAYS on his side, even when he behaved abhorrently before her very eyes.

Strangely I now think I have her to thank for some of my best qualities.

I consider myself a woman of substance. A woman who knows the value of a day on earth and is truly able to find joy in most things, moments and experiences. I have also set my sights on big crazy goals and adventures and challenges and just gone for it. All in.

I absolutely love my daughters wholeheartedly. I have always taught them that they will have my support as long as I know the truth. I have encouraged them to communicate with me and each other and shown them anything they feel is ok if we support each other. I am not perfect and grief has been a hard task master for periods of my life so they see me have bad days, good days and everything in between. If I get angry I explain and apologise. They have even held me in the black moments. They are becoming honest, smart, kind, thoughtful, compassionate humans who I am so so proud of. They treat people how they like to be treated, they question behaviours, situations, matters that are not fair or just. They are open to new ideas, new people and new adventures. Wowsers. They are pretty tops. 

I have taught them to treat people as you life to be treated so I know for a fact they would not behave the way dad did towards me. At 14 and 19 they both have a higher emotional intelligence than either dad or nana ever had. Not to mention superior communication skills. So theres that. and this fills me with so much love. 

I am active, strong and can always carry my own bags.

I say yes to what kids want to do, I run, I play, I hide, I seek, I piggyback.

I lift, I pull, I push, I run, I cycle, I stand up paddleboard, I play netball and I date.

So what's the point of this you may ask, and I better get to it as there are sooooo many avenues for digression.

Dont be Nana my friends.

Be a big beautiful you. Live strong, vitally, generously, abundantly, with gratitude for every day, opportunity and experience you have. Learn, love laugh and live. You only get one crack at this life so make it a good one.

If you would like to join my free workshop on Friday to look and feel ten years younger DM me or register in the link in Bio.

If you would like to work with me one on one - reach out. :-)