Falling into clarity

I fell down a set of stairs a few weeks ago. To say it was terrifying is putting it lightly. It rattled me in so many ways and much more than I would have imagined.

Firstly, how I was treated by the woman who was there. Eek. Thank god I’m a better human than that. Her lack of care was quite shocking on top of the fall.

Secondly, my behaviour. I was embarrassed. I felt old and stupid. How could I fall down stairs at my age? What a dick, I was thinking??? Imagine the damage, the possibilities. But why? If anyone else had fallen down the stairs when carrying a huge load I would not judge but help, reassure, care. Why was that missing for myself?

I still remember my exact thought process. 

Oh no. Here we go.

Please don't let this be serious.

Go soft, go soft.

Protect your head, don’t hit your head.

Ouch, crap, oh there go my legs.

Luckily I was able to think on my feet. I softened the blow, protected my head. 

Adrenaline got me through the rest. 

Until a few days later when it really started to hit. The shock, the pain, the flashbacks, the lack of care. 

It was very overwhelming and took me by surprise. There were a lot of tears. A week later I literally cried from the doctor at 8.30am till I fell in bed about 9pm. The black clouds rolled in and I couldn't lift my mood. I just wanted my mum, which made it even worse.

Fast forward another week or so, and numerous painful physio sessions later and I am back on track. Actually I can't remember feeling this good mentally for quite some time.

The body is getting there too. Less stiffness, more mobility and less fear

I have been making a conscious effort to do the things I know help me feel good but I sadly sometimes neglect, plus I have added a few to the mix.

• Journaling
• Meditating each morning (daily calm, ten minutes in bed)
• Really monitoring and minimising doom scrolling and time on the phone.
• Walking my dog to the gorgeous little forest near my house every morning and being fully present with the birds, sounds and smells. (no phone, just laughter with my boy)
• Getting to the ocean for a good swim on Sundays and again during the week when I can.
• Connecting with friends and filling my heart cup.

New additions:

• 5g creatine every damned day. 
• Taking supplements every day - magnesium, iron, turmeric, vit D, C and calcium, glucosamine. 
• Upped the 10K to 12K steps.

I have to say I'm feeling the creatine. I feel brighter, more clarity, less fog. More motivation and get up and go. I felt it a little in the first week but now 3-4 weeks later - bang, there it is.

I will start back at the gym this weekend on some light movement and core strengthening. So let the comeback begin.

WIll keep you posted on my plan and movement. Would love some company or support on my journey back.

Jx